A couple of months back while class was still in session, a couple of females were passing around this tiny note on a gum paper. On it was this phrase “you is special” among some other lines. Yet, that one - the first one - stayed with me. Somehow, it changed the monotonous dreary atmosphere and gave me a little feel good moment. However, despite all of that I was more taken aback that it was passed to me by a woman - a female kind. It was even written by this brilliant young woman who I always admired in my class.
Usually I avoid most females, especially if it’s a group of
them, because I find them exhausting and I tend to be fearful of how I’ll be
treated. I’m only comfortable with one-on-one friendship or just a two party of
nice gals. Yet, while this may be so, I have come to realize that the fear
could have stemmed from the fact that I associate females with some negative characteristics
and behaviours: cattiness, bullying, gossiping, slander. These perceptions and
feelings originate from bad experiences in the past, from both sides-mine and theirs.
To actually get a better perspective on our nature and this verbal
and non verbal cattiness which we convey, I went to the belly of friends and
family to get a gist of their experiences and how they handled it.
Sunnymountainthoughts: 1.What is your worst experience in dealing with a
female?
2. How did you deal with it?
3. Were you ever deliberately mean to a
female friend?
*Marcia: Not so sure about a worst experience but
all sorts of things, like not speaking to me for no reason. I actually ignore them, which I’m good at
doing. No, I’m not deliberately mean; there must be a reason.
*Lisa: My
worst experience was when I was working at a*resort* and the assistant manager
didn’t like me for some reason. I don’t know why. She used to treat badly by
frequently giving me a lot of negative attitude. There was a part of me that
wanted to tell her off but eventually I resigned. She eventually left as well.
Sunnymountainthoughts: 1.How do you view most female friendships?
2. Have you witnessed any females
being outright treacherous to each other?
*Nathan: Most female friendships are kinda
hypocritical. Yes, I have (seen that) lots of times.
There have been so
many documentations of despicable acts against each other, that it’s just
pretty amazing we haven’t created a world-wide war. But I have come to the
realization that this is a world-wide issue which requires an awakening and a
need to instill peace within ourselves. We
need to realize how tearing down another being, whilst they be male or female may
create a complex which mars the individual’s view on the world. Through our
negative words and actions we can be creating an emotional burden for someone
else that is self damaging.
What girls do to each other is beyond
description. No Chinese torture comes close- Tori Amos
Men will like each other until they have a reason to hate each other..
Women will hate each other until they have a reason to like each other- Avinash Wandre
If women ruled the world there
would be no wars. Just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.-
Unknown
Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women and they
hate each other-Unknown
I’m still confused by us but hopefully these may explain why
we’re like this:
1. Incompatible souls/
they just don’t like you
Yes, this one is a little on the strange side, and I’ve been
baffled by it but let me get to the chase. I’m Caribbean and since I was little
I’ve heard many women comment on how their spirit doesn’t take a certain
person. Weirdly enough, in this case, no words have ever been exchanged between
these two. Yet, from a glance they were able to say “I don’t like this person”
and when asked why, the reply is even more baffling, “I just don’t. My spirit
don’t take on to them.” ???
This may have to do with some deep spiritual, weirdly negatively
polar souls which I am not aware of but it frightens it never fails to
fascinate.
2. Misinterpreted
Signals
Hmm, this one is tricky. At times we tend to read-in to
another’s reaction towards us and interpret it into being unfriendly. Such
misread signals usually cause us to treat another poorly and create tension.
3.
Insecurity
There’s an old adage which says “if you don’t love yourself,
you won’t be able to love another.” There are different versions to it but, I
guess it makes sense. It can be hard to appreciate another’s flaws and
beautiful parts unless we’re more accommodating of our own.
4.
Associated/ Learnt behavior
I’m confused by this because little girls are very receptive
to each other and very willing to be friends at an early age. I see this in my
baby cousin and her willingness to make friends, and I can also recount my
childhood and the exciting prospect of new friendship. Unfortunately, we have
heard friends, aunts, mothers engage in trash talk in regards to another female,
and it may seem as an acceptable part of life. So, we become it-the critical
eye, always undermining another because it’s just the norm.
5.
Responding to rumors
Rumors are killers of reputation. They never fail to strip a
person bare of any good name they may have.
Rumors can tarnish friendships, ignite bullying, even create fights, and
change how people respond to you. Have you ever just stopped talking to someone
or judge them wrongly because of a nasty rumor? To me many females’ friendships
and hatred toward each other because of rumors!
6. The
company you keep
In being straightforward, the company we keep can greatly influence
our actions. Once you’re attached to someone, out of loyalty or respect their opinions
about a subject or anyone becomes law.
7.It’s
in our nature
We’re human! We’re ying and yang; we are evil and
we’re good and these emotions we have are primal. So, expect that while you’re
fighting to maintain the good these nasty emotions can just slip through but it’s
up to us to control ourselves to live peaceably with our fellow sisters.
Audio for podcast: Happiness from Bensound.com and Slow Burn fro Kevin Macleod.
Follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/ShaiBlu
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